“Am I enough?”
“Do they love me?”
“When will they call me back?”
“What if they leave me for their ex?”
For those who suffer from relationship anxiety, obsessive thoughts can prove detrimental to your mental health, and the health of your relationship. Your thoughts are submerged in unfounded worries, for the fear of losing your partner. Relationship anxiety is not the same thing as genuine relationship concerns, which can be triggered by toxic or abusive behavior. However, it can make you feel as if your relationship is unstable, despite clear evidence pointing to the contrary.
In order to save yourself from this downward spiral, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite tips to help you overcome relationship anxiety!
1. Talk it out-with your partner
Talking with your partner about your anxiety is the best way to help them, help you. The biggest mistake someone can make in a relationship is pretending your partner can read your mind. If they are aware of your anxiety, they may be able to help reassure you. However, it is important to note that seeking constant reassurance may also produce codependency. You want to maintain the ability to self-regulate your emotions, while also leaning on your partner at times.
2. Write down the facts of the situation
Oftentimes, we blow situations out of proportion by ruminating upon them. I strongly recommend writing down the facts of the situation, to ground yourself in reality, and relieve some pent up anxiety. For instance, if your significant other hasn’t responded to your most recent message, you may be thinking “they don’t love me anymore!” Instead of catastrophizing the situation, write down a list of reasons they may not be responding, such as “they are sleeping”, “they are busy”, or “they are not on their phone.”
3. Get moving
The best way to get out of your head is to get into your body. If you suffer from anxious thoughts in general, it’s important to maintain a regular exercise routine! Your physical health directly impacts your mental health. While exercising, you remove focus from your anxious thoughts, and ground yourself in a physical reality. Plus, exercising releases feel-good hormones that will help you conquer the day! If you don’t enjoy heavy exertion, I recommend a calming yoga flow class. It will help you remain mindful, while engaging essential muscle groups.
4. Focus more attention on YOU
A relationship shouldn’t be the centerpoint of your identity. It's definitely an accent to your life, but it should not define who you are! Your relationship anxiety will be heightened if you feel you are nothing without your partner. Try to learn more about yourself, focus on hobbies you enjoy, and allow time for self-care. The relationship you have with yourself will last a lifetime; it is important to cultivate that inner bond.
5. Seek extra help!
If these home remedies simply don’t do the trick, and you find yourself, and your relationship, hindered by your anxiety, it is always okay to seek help from a therapist or counselor! They can provide you with amazing techniques to relieve your anxiety. From online services, to in-person therapists, there are so many ways to start your mental health journey.
Written by: Brianna Rauchman