Why Don't I Have Any Friends?

Why don't I have any friends?

You have so many relationships in your life – your family, your significant others, and your friends. In my life, I have little motivation to maintain friendships these days. I haven't had great experiences with friends as a child or a teenager, and that history prevents me from making new friends in my adult life. I suffer from social anxiety, and I am an introvert. However, I genuinely enjoy being alone – as sad as that may sound. Even so, I do get lonely moments, wishing I had a friend that was just a call away.

Throughout my school years, I had many friends, but none of them seemed to stick. They either had to move away, or we just stopped talking and never got to see each other. As I look back on my friendships, I realized that the good friends I had moved away due to unforeseen circumstances. All of it started to make me think that I wasn't meant to have friends because I kept losing them to distance. 

I started noticing that I was better alone when my sixth grade best friend, Munujai, moved thirty minutes away from my school district. My first school year without a best friend was seventh grade. I would finish my homework in class, and then I would go home and be on the computer until I had to go to bed. That became my daily routine. Although I made some online friends in the process, my mom did not approve. 

I never truly understood being an introvert until I finished high school.  Looking back, I believe I became one because I couldn't stop losing friends. I started to become depressed, adjusted to being alone, and accepted this new reality. 

However, my vulnerability allowed me to discover comfort in solitude. After high school, I felt liberated after departing from my toxic friend group. My family tried to warn me time and time again that I did not have good friends. I wouldn't listen because I just wanted to be accepted. I didn't want to be alone.

That being said, being an introvert is not a bad thing. 

According to Time magazine, introverts have a lot of great qualities:

  • They are good listeners
  • They think before they speak.
  • They are observant.
  • They make quality friends.
  • They are loving, romantic partners.
  • They are compassionate leaders.
  •  

    There are so many more amazing qualities associated with introverts, so do not let anyone make you think that being an introvert is a bad thing. People have tried to convince me in years past that it's unhealthy to be that way in your life. The truth is everyone’s version of healthy is different. I have gladly accepted that I am an introvert, and that good friends will come and go. I do not plan on rushing into a friendship with anyone soon. If I am meant to have a close friend, I believe they will eventually come my way.

    It sometimes hurts not having that person to call, but I am secure knowing I can rely on myself when I’m not with my boyfriend or family members. If you are an introvert like me, take this time to enjoy being alone. People always view being alone as a bad thing. It's not a bad thing if you are happy and have good mental health while being alone. It's just like being single – the single life can be as fun as being in a relationship; it just depends on how you want to view it. You can make the most out of being by yourself. When you're alone, you appreciate yourself more and realize your worth. Alone time allows you to understand what you would want in a friend if you had one. Do not rush yourself into a friendship that doesn't seem like it's right for you and your life. 

    Written by: Audre Arnett




    8 comments


    • A

      I’ve lost lots of friends after high school. Honestly I didn’t mind that because I was over that part of my chapter. I was ready for a change of scenery when I went to university. I’ve made new friends and lost them as well sadly. Most days I’m cool with have no friends but sometimes I do wish I had a real good one. I also think it’s normal to make and lose friends throughout our lifetime. But overall we have to be happy with ourselves and do things we want to do and not depend on just friends because it’s ok to be alone.


    • akp

      Finding as I’m getting older, not wanting to remain friends with those who tend to be toxic. I have eliminated those relationships and find now hard to make new friends. Is this just a factor of getting older and reduced places to find new people


    • Mary Anne

      I started losing friends around my 26th-27th birthday, when I moved in with my Bf and then I got married. My friendship circle was not in the place where i was at that time, I was maturing I guess, while they where still partying all the time, which is fine but definitely not where I wanted to be anymore. I realized they didn’t have anything in common with me anymore and years have gone by and I have been having trouble to find new friends who would stick, people more like me. I have a “best friend” but she moved away and we don’t talk much, sadly. My work friend, only talks to me about work and work gossip nothing else, so I’m wondering if that’s also a toxic relationship. Anyways as I grow older it is harder and harder for me to find a healthy friendship and sometimes I do feel alone. 😞


    • A

      I’m an introvert too and I only recently started talking more to people, but after a long day I get drained and just crawl into bed and cry. I’ve fallen in and out depression lately so I feel that’s part of it. But I don’t have many close friends and I can’t tell even them a lot of things because I’m like the squad therapist who always listens but hardly voices out my opinions or feelings. I don’t want to pour everything but I know how needy and lonely I am…


    • A.C.

      I found that as I have grown older, a number of “best friends” I have had tended to use me for what I could do for them. A majority of friendships were one-sided, and recently a friend completely ditched me because I warned her about her toxic relationship that eventually ended in a bad situation. As an introvert and mom with a full-time job, I feel I can’t find friends who aren’t using me for something. I wish I had someone who could be a true friend.


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