What to Do When Your Relationship and Family Cannot Coexist

Many young adults hate having to choose between their love life and their family. Sometimes these two parts of your life struggle to healthily coexist. Maybe your significant other feels judged by your family, or perhaps your family doesn't care for your significant other. You’ve tried everything: setting boundaries, long conversations, awkward dinners…all to no avail. What should you do so both parties will be happy, when coexisting is simply not an option? Below, I will provide you advice on how to keep your love life separate from your family when the two are not compatible. 

Making a schedule for each party is the most important thing you can do in this situation. Don't try to do something with your family on the same day that you're planning to do something with your significant other. You may upset your significant other or family members if you plan two events on the same day, as they feel slighted. It is always convenient to have a calendar available so that you can keep track of these things. I make sure to tell my boyfriend when I have plans with my family so he doesn't try to make plans the same day. You can keep track of this on a calendar to ensure the two parties don't coincide at any time. The last thing you want is for one party to feel as though they are getting the short end of the stick.

Communication is the second thing to keep in mind. You should always inform them of your schedule. In general, I try to let someone know at least 2-3 weeks in advance about big plans when possible. Make sure people are aware of your availability so they aren't surprised when something happens. It may occur, however, that they forget, and believe that you promised your time to them. It is important to have a calendar available so they will know when you will not be free. It will be more comfortable for them to do things with you if you keep them informed, rather than telling them the day of or the day before the event occurs.

Lastly, remember to always always balance your time, while simultaneously prioritizing your happiness. Don’t sit out of plans simply because your parents or partner feel threatened, and don’t want you to go. You are the creator of your own schedule; all you can do is keep your loved ones informed. It is my mother's advice for me to do what makes me happy. Keep that in mind when making plans. At the end of the day, your family and partner should both care about your happiness. Do not feel obligated to do everything someone else asks you to do. If you aren't feeling up to it, you can also say no to everyone and spend time alone! Do what feels right to you. This is your life, and you deserve to enjoy the time you spend with your loved ones. 

Written by: Audre Arnett