Trapped By My Social Anxiety
The eyes are all around me, peering down from balconies, out windows, from the community
Pool. My heart races, the speed ramping up with each inhale I take.
Do they think I am weak? Do they think I am ugly?
Are they questioning how I am walking and talking and training my pup?
Do they think I am frazzled or unapproachable?
Someone is passing.
I quickly look down at my pup for comfort, for an excuse not to look in their eyes.
I see him approaching in the golf cart all the maintenance men use to travel about the complex.
My nerves are on edge, my voice is stuck in my throat.
All courage fades into the distance and floats away with the wind.
The crush I feel for him is so strong especially as he smiles and waves. Why won’t my mouth
form a real smile? My face feels deformed. Does my smile look irritated or angry?
I wave back and try not to run away.
As soon as he drives off, I bolt for the stairs and urge my pup to follow me back into the safety
of my apartment.
I’ll try again to be brave tomorrow…
Written by: Alexandra Beitia
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Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s awful how scary it is to be alive in a socially anxious body. You are very brave. 💕
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