Friends are a great thing to have, especially as you grow up. Your closest friends tend to form during your adolescence or during childhood, but you can definitely find new friends during young adulthood, and beyond. You can count on a good friend for support and understanding if you're struggling. If your household is dysfunctional, or if you’re struggling emotionally, sometimes the only people you can turn to when you need help are friends. And of course, you’d do the same for them. However, what should you do when your friendship with someone always seems one-sided? I am here to help you identify the signs of one-sided friendships.
The first sign of an unbalanced relationship is that your friend will always choose someone else over you, even if you had plans together first. For a long time, I considered someone to be my best friend because we did almost everything together. Our homes were 15 minutes apart.
She told me that of all of her friends, she was the most able to relate to me. Both of us were fans of Justin Bieber. Unlike her other friends, we never got into drama or were loud in class. We seemed to understand each other quite well. However, every time I turned around, she was cancelling our plans for one of her other friends. The fact that she secretly disliked them, or so she said, but was always willing to drop our plans for them really hurt. It took me about a year to realize this was a one-sided friendship before I decided to let go.
Secondly, you can tell if you are in a one-sided friendship by how the other person makes you feel. You want people around you who make you feel good about yourself. I didn't feel good about myself when I was with my friend. She had moments when she seemed to be supporting me and my decisions, but she also knew exactly how to shoot me down. There were times when she didn't have to say anything - all she had to do was choose someone else over me for one reason or another. One time she laughed because her friend pointed out I didn't have a car and they wouldn't come pick me up so I could get to Chipotle with them.
As an eighteen-year-old living in a hotel, I didn't have time to learn how to drive. Any real friend would've instantly defended me. They both knew I didn't have a house and things were difficult for me. So why would they try to make me feel worse about my situation? My friend understood I would never have made her feel that way if the roles were reversed, but she wanted to fit in. The attention she sought when she was around them was more important than being herself and showing support to a friend in need.
The third sign of a one-sided friendship is when they seem jealous of you. My friend was heavier than me. When she was around her other friends, they always glared at me whenever the topic of weight came up, considering I was a smaller person. Maybe they were jealous, but their stares were hurtful. I did not see the appeal they saw in me. My opinion of myself was completely different. I only saw room for improvement within myself. I didn't think I was better than them. Seeing them as friends, I just wanted them to accept me the same way I accepted them. I knew we were all created differently. Every one of them was unique. I don't miss that group of "friends" because they tore me down, instead of embracing me. When I walked into the room, I didn't intend to make them feel any worse about themselves. I deserve friends who do the same.
My friend specifically told me I would be a crazy adult because I grew up in a sheltered home. She said I wouldn't be a writer; I didn’t have what it takes. I was a "shut-in" as a child, so she believed I would be this wild girl doing everything I shouldn't be doing. As a 22-year-old, I am hardly the person she said I would be. Since I'm not a people person, I never imagined myself becoming a party person. She wanted that for me. I never wanted that. Quiet and weird is who I am. It is better for me to be in the house behind my computer screen rather than going out and doing something I don’t want to do.
As much as I miss having lots of friends and that extra support, I am perfectly fine with my boyfriend and family being my backbone during tough times. When you realize that you are the only one trying to keep the friendship alive, it's time to let them go. No matter what you do for this person, you should not be wrapped up in a friendship that feels one-sided. You aren't really appreciated until you're gone, as they say. If you see these signs in your friendship, let them go and wait for your true friend to come to you. You will find friends again, but don't force it. Instead, enjoy the company and support your family, significant other, or even yourself!
Written by: Audre ArnettInstagram: @infinityaudreee