Why Haven’t I Found My Friend Group Yet?

3 friends animated

Friendships are one of the most important relationships a human can have. Finding that group of people who truly understand you and make you feel comfortable is what many strive to find. In the media, we see how fun it is to have a big group of close friends. We idolize close knit friend groups displayed in shows like New Girl or Friends. We forget sometimes how hard it can be to make quality friends.

My whole life I have had a few close friends. Eventually, we grew apart from one another. While this is normal for many people, it makes me insecure that I still have not met any lifelong friends. I have always contemplated if there is anything such as lifelong friends. As I look around, it seems like everyone has a secure friend group but me.

Making friends can be difficult for a lot of people, especially during big life transitions. I found the hardest time to make friends was freshman year of college and right after graduation. For me, college was a difficult time to make friends. I moved across the country to California and was around a lot of people who were very different from those in my hometown. I found it hard to relate to these people, and felt a sense of lingering disappointment throughout college that I could not find any true friends. I experienced a pervasive sense of not fitting in when it seemed like everyone else made friends easier than I could. 

After graduation, many people will move to new places for new jobs, and the cycle starts all over again. When you are not in an academic setting, you truly have to put yourself out there to find new people. For introverts and shy people, this is a really difficult thing to do. I recommend trying hobbies you enjoy, because at least you know the people you meet there have similar interests, making it easier to build that connection, and ultimately a friendship.

I think the most important thing to remember is that having a huge group of friends is not more important than having a few really good people in your life. When you surround yourself with people who truly care about you, even if it is just one or two, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a huge group of friends. Always search for quality over quantity! 

Friends will come and go, but someday you will find lifelong friends. Everyone’s life does not go at the same pace, and everyone’s journey is different. There is nothing wrong with taking longer to find some really great friends and I am sure it will be worth the wait.


Written by: Sydney Karlos

Instagram: @sydkarloss

8 comments


  • SCOTT WYCOFF

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  • Lynda

    Thanks so much for this. I am 40 just recently lost my mum so feeling lonely a lot. Me and my husband had 2 really close friends for years we are no longer close miss have that couple to hang out with. Have lots of friends in work etc but i always look at others and think why dont i have that friend group that really look out for each other. This has made me feel less lonely. Thank you.


  • Autumn

    In my highschool I have many friends and some of them we are really close. But they never hang out with me outside of school. I’m so lonely all the time and when I am I get in depressive episodes. Yet, everytime they want to hang out and I’m busy they get all upset because I can’t go yet they never hang out with me anyways.


  • Cassie

    I had a bestie since kindergarten and I moved so our friendship grew apart over time. I made a few friends in Highschool but I just didn’t click with that group. I’m doing college online so it hard making friends like that. I’m 20 right now and I wish I had a best friend that I can relate to and just have fun hanging out.


  • Teresa Mayer

    In 2020 not only did I lose one of my closest male friends from highschool, but I also lost a female friend that I developed while in college. They were a married couple and it was politics and a disagreement between my husband and I and them. I tried to talk it out but we disagreed and they felt that I wasn’t listening to their side. I thought they were people I could trust to have a different opinion. I still have a few friends but it gets lonely because most of them I don’t really see all too often. I’m getting more and more comfortable doing things with just myself. My husband I also go out and enjoy ourselves but I guess it was nice when we had another couple to hang out with. I miss it but I also know there’s other people out there still. I’m 34 and friends have come and gone, at least I don’t feel lonely and know that it hasn’t only happened to me.


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