Tackling your Relationship’s Biggest Enemies: Comparison and Convention
Every milestone. Every instagram post. Every lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day pic. The internet is absolutely inundated with relationship content, especially as quarantine has led people to hunker down, and boo up.
In addition to idealistic relationships on social media, many blogs and informative accounts provide unsolicited advice about how a relationship should progress, and the milestones you should be meeting.
Considering the present circumstance, and the microscopic lens placed on any pandemic relationship, it’s easy to become addicted to comparison, and obsessed with conventions. Common threads of thought inspired by comparison include:
Does my partner care about me enough?
Why don’t they post me on social media?
Do they truly love me if they don’t make a Tik Tok compilation about me?
Why haven’t we met this milestone?
Do we love each other as much as other couples do?
Am I happy enough?
Are we affectionate enough?
These thoughts are not productive for any relationship, as you allow the outside world to dictate the boundaries of your happiness. It’s not easy to overcome the conventional borders established by relationships on the internet.
The media represents relationships as a surge of passionate love, where two souls finally meet, and life unfolds in perfect harmony. This never happens in reality. There are roadblocks, hard conversations, and numerous obstacles. When two people come together, they relinquish a portion of their independence, and must come to terms with a new form of co-existence. The transition period may not be easy. It’s not all fairytales and happiness. But if you are with the right person, it’s definitely worth it.
In your relationship, it’s critical to sidestep convention, and chart your own path. There is no such thing as normal. If something feels right, lean into it. If you are unsure, express concerns to your partner, and determine a solution together. When you are feeling hurt or disrespected, those feelings are valid. We all have different boundaries, needs, and expectations. The internet should not determine how you navigate your partnership. The internet WILL fail you, time and time again. Social media will implant false narratives in your mind. The only way to be in a healthy relationship is to listen to your innate needs (which is easier said than done), communicate with your partner, and develop a dynamic that produces positivity in your lives.
As you continue to witness internet couples flaunt their affection, remember that there is no right way to be in a relationship. If you are happy, and your partner is too, that is enough. Your intuition is much smarter than you give it credit for. Trust your heart to lead you in the right direction, and don’t make decisions based on standards established by social media. Your relationship is YOURS to define. Take ownership of that freedom!
Written by: Brianna Rauchman
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Как глупо и странно! (сказано выше) Я со своей любимой женщиной живу уже 41 год! У нас три дочери, пять внуков. В нашей совместной жизни, были конечно неприятные периоды и события. Но все это забывается, стирается из памяти. И мы не мыслим дальнейшей нашей жизни друг без друга! И не видим счастья в жизни наших детей и внуков!
Thank you for bringing this to light! When I was in my previous relationship, I compared mine to others SO much. I often thought “why can’t he do this for me or that right” and feeling discontent. I realized the problem was with my EXPECTATIONS of him. I was so disappointed when we broke up 5 months into the relationship because I was really looking forward to celebrating at least our one year anniversary together and flexing him on social media. But now more than ever, I learned that I don’t need him or anyone to be happy.
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