In the last three years, I have gone through some extremely traumatizing and life-altering situations. My husband (now ex-husband) was in a near fatal motorcycle crash which left him in a coma for days and in which he sustained a severe traumatic brain injury.
Suddenly I was thrust into the role of caregiver for a condition I knew nothing about. Within a year of this accident I experienced extreme anxiety, panic attacks, domestic abuse, infidelity, and subsequently a divorce. Oh, I did I mention this was all during the pandemic? These situations rank in the top of the most stressful events a person can go through in life and yet I came out the other side with my sanity intact. Below is a list of things I have used when I’m losing my shit.
10 THINGS TO SAY TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU’RE LOSING YOUR SHIT
1. “Everything is going to be ok. I am ok.” Go back to the basics. Do you have a place to live and food to eat? Are not in immediate physical danger? Count your blessings. You have those bases covered so if all else fails you are intrinsically ok.
2. “I got through the last challenge I can get through this one too.” You’ve gone through some shit, we all have, whether you want to admit it or not. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger just like that corny Kelly Clarkson song preaches.
3. “We’re going to take this one step and one breathe at a time. Again, go back to basics. Whatever situation you are going through no matter how overwhelming you can break it down into more manageable pieces. If you can’t think of how to break down the situation just yet, then break down your breathing. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts and exhale for four counts. Do that for 30 seconds and I guarantee your anxiety will begin to dissipate.
4. “You are totally normal, its ok to feel this way.” Reminding yourself that it is ok to feel uncomfortable, anxious, afraid, or fearful is a great way to diffuse the power of those emotions. Remember that they are just emotions, they will pass, and it is a normal human experience to feel them. Embrace the uncomfortable to move through those feelings quicker.
5. “I am doing the best I can.” There are times when you will not feel good enough. Times where you feel that not matter what you do it doesn’t get better. During these times when you are genuinely trying and putting your all into something remind yourself that you are doing the best that you can in this moment.
6. “I fucked up.” Sometimes you just gotta own it. To get over a bad feeling you sometimes must sit in it. You might have heard the phrase “the only way over is through” and this applies to going through the act of sitting in that feeling of screwing up. Also, owning up to the fact that you messed up can bring a feeling of relief.
7. “I can learn from this and move forward.” This is the next thing you can say to yourself after admitting that you fucked up. Although it hurts your ego to admit, you did make a mistake and/or handle a situation badly. However, now you have experience doing it which will help the next time something similar happens.
8. “I do not have to stay in an unhealthy situation.” There are moments in our lives that are turning points and the direction of our lives is determined by which path we take. However, at these crossroads we can be in a panicked state, feel helpless and, stuck. We feel like we have no choice but to keep going on the path we’re on. Saying this phrase can help you pick the path your heart knows it needs to take. Whether it’s leaving an abusive relationship, quitting a job you hate or speaking up about how someone is treating you. This phrase can lead us closer to the life we want to be living. Whether it’s a partner’s treatment of you or a horrible work environment, you will come through the other side.
9. “Another person’s stress is their responsibility” You have the right to follow your own feelings and life impulses. You do not have to fix a situation for anyone even when they make you feel like you are responsible. The only duty you have in life is to be true to yourself.
10. “I have the courage to believe that all that happens in life serves the best.” I love my Thoth tarot card deck because it comes with affirmations to repeat to yourself with each card. This affirmation helps remind me that what can seem like a curse can turn into a blessing. Try to keep in mind all those times that the phrase “hindsight is 20/20” applied.
Author: Jocelyn Hall