An Introvert's Guide to Independence in a Relationship

Whether we like it or not, relationships can seriously change who we are as a person. It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship, as your life rotates around a single person. Your whole focus is on keeping your relationship intact, despite the fact you’re falling to pieces. It can be draining and exhausting work, especially for introverts. Reflecting on the things you enjoyed when you were single, you may long to find the independence you had before entering a serious relationship. I am here to tell you about my personal self-discovery journey while being in an all-consuming relationship, and to offer you some advice on how to do the same. 

My teenage years were spent by myself. As soon as I got off the bus after a crazy day at school, I put on my pajamas and got on my laptop. I rarely left my room. During this time, I was always creative, exploring a variety of activities, like writing.  

Whenever I faced writer's block, I would draw. And if I didn’t feel like drawing, I'd read stories on Wattpad. Overall, I felt very productive and full of energy. I sometimes felt lonely, but I knew exactly how to make myself happy again. Others told me this was depressing, but I chose not to look at it that way. It was not necessary for me to have people around me in order to feel good about myself. I kept myself busy and entertained. 

My friendships lasted only as long as school days. Outside of the school building, I would never hang out with them because I preferred my own company. In my homeroom, I would already be planning what I'm going to do when I returned to my room. While I enjoyed having friends in school, I did not consider it necessary to spend time with them after the school day ended. 

Nowadays, it is so difficult to find time to be alone because I am so busy trying to maintain healthy relationships, not only with my boyfriend, but also with my relatives. It can be difficult to find downtime when your life is so busy.

In a relationship, you have to give up cherished alone time to devote time to your significant other. You may grow reliant on your partner for love and acceptance, losing sight of your independent self. Trust me when I say you can't count on someone else to always make you happy. My current relationship taught me this lesson. There are times when your partner can’t fulfill your every need, and that’s where self-discovery takes place. 

If you find yourself trapped in this funk, it is important for you to take some space for yourself.  It is unhealthy to be with the same person all the time; it leads to codependency. Every relationship needs space. This gives you the chance to be alone and enjoy things you did when you were single. Despite being alone, you can still feel productive. Sometimes, it feels nice to take care of yourself and know that you can keep yourself occupied. It all comes down to loving the person you are. As an individual, you have a lot to offer the world. It is impossible to devote all your energy and time to your relationship without taking some time for yourself.

You may want space even if your significant other doesn't. Open the conversation with your partner, and reassure them that your time alone is just as important as your relationship. A good balance is necessary so you don't feel resentful toward them, because you didn't take care of yourself when you really needed it. 

Consider all the things you enjoy doing on your own. It may be reading, writing, drawing, getting your nails done, taking walks, painting, or just lying in bed. Allow yourself to be creative and embrace the introverted spirit. Make time for yourself and enjoy your own company!

Written by: Audre Arnett