As I binge reruns of Married At First Sight, I am rudely awakened to a sudden epiphany: finding your “person” is WAY more than checking off those neat little boxes in your mind. If you haven’t heard of the (slightly ridiculous) show I’m referencing, let me fill you in: two strangers are matched by relationship experts, and appear to be soulmates…on paper. Once the couple say “I do,” the real work begins. The outcome? Either absolute magic…or complete mayhem.
From an outside perspective, it is SO easy to sense when a couple is simply not meant to be. However, when you’ve invested time, love, (or a marriage contract) into a relationship, it’s hard to accept the truth. Fortunately, I’ve spelled out some tell-tale signs that your partner *might* not actually be your soulmate.
1. Everything is just hard.
That’s not to say relationships don’t come with ups and downs! They most certainly do. But if it’s really a struggle to see eye to eye on basic, everyday issues, it might not be an ideal pairing. This broken communication leads to bickering, built up resentment, and emotional distance. That’s not to say you can’t work through a rough patch, but if the bad consistently outweighs the good, it might be time to say good-bye.
2. Your plans for the future are way different.
They want to travel. You want to settle down and have kids. They want to party while they’re young. You want peace and consistency. Sometimes, love is not enough to make a relationship work. You have to have the same long-term goals in order to have a healthy partnership. While compromise is an option, some differences are simply too much to overcome.
3. Your needs feel consistently unmet or dismissed.
You’ve vocalized it over and over again. But you’re not getting what you need to feel secure. When you bring it up, you feel like a nag, having to repeat yourself like a broken record. Your partner just doesn’t get it, and even if they “try” to fix things, they always fall up short. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. Or that they don’t love you. As a couple, you’re just not compatible, and that’s a valid reason to gracefully exit.
4. You keep things to yourself to prevent conflict.
The key to a successful relationship is vulnerability. If you have to suppress your truest self with your partner, you’ll grow resentful over time. A relationship should provide you the space to feel open, secure, and unjudged. Conflict should be met with resolutions that ultimately strengthen your bond.
5. You’re betting on their potential, rather than the person they show you.
Never hedge your bets on someone completely transforming who they are. Believe their actions. Believe what they choose to show you. You don’t want to waste 5+ years of your life on a person who would be just fine without you.
If your partner matches one or more of these signs, it may be time to step back, and reevaluate where you’re both at. How do you see this working long-term? Do you believe healthy communication and consistent effort can help with your issues? What’s the plan of action for improvement?
Remember, you have the power to take the reins on your life! Whether that means working through these obstacles, or letting go of your partner, your happiness should always remain a top priority.
Written by: Brianna Rauchman